4 Tips for Making Friends
Making friends can be a challenge. In fact, one in two adults in the U.S. reports experiencing loneliness. Associate Professor of Psychology Keelah Williams studies the science behind making social connections, and we asked her to share some tips on what it takes to form new and lasting friendships.
Expert Tips for Making Friends
1. Be Intentional
Do we select our friends by chance or choice? Research indicates it’s most likely a bit of both. Williams advises, “Be intentional when it comes to forming friendships. You don’t need to leave it to the whim of fate. Play an active role in making connections happen.”
Tips for Being Intentional:
- Join a book club or gym, volunteer for a organization, or find other activities where you’ll be likely to meet other people with shared ideas and interests.
- If you like someone you’ve met, suggest coffee, a walk, or another low-pressure way to continue the conversation.
2. Be Confident
Whether it’s fear of rejection or simple self-doubt, Williams says we tend to underestimate how much others enjoy our company. Her advice: “Approach new friends with confidence. Research indicates that people you meet probably like you more than you think they do.”
For Your Health and Wellbeing
Lacking social interactions can increase the likelihood of premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, according to the U.S. surgeon general’s 2023 report on loneliness.
3. Invest the Time
Friendships are vulnerable to deterioration over time and require active strategies to maintain. Williams says that a common reason friendships fail is the perception that one person is not investing as much energy into the relationship as the other. Research shows it takes over 200 hours of time engaged in “fun” activities to go from an acquaintance to a best friend.
Tips for Investing Time in Friendships:
- Plan rituals like watching the same TV show together every week or taking a trip together each year.
- Don’t wait until you have hours of time available to catch up in person or by phone. Pop your friend a text or share a funny meme.
- Be explicit about appreciation — remembering important dates or saying “I’m really glad we’re friends” helps reinforce reciprocity.
4. Foster “Weak Ties”
In addition to our friends, we have what researchers call “weak-tie” friendships — connections with people we encounter routinely. Studies show that chatting with the barista at the coffeeshop or the guy who checks us in at the gym can increase our sense of belonging, which, in turn, boosts our mood. According to Williams, we don’t take advantage of these weak-tie relationships as much as we should.
This content is adapted from a virtual event Williams hosted for Hamilton alumni on Dec. 11, 2025, titled “The Psychology of Making Friends.”
Bestie Vibes Only: Williams Featured on NPR
Here & Now recently interviewed Williams and her best friend Jaimie Krems, co-founder and director of the University of California, Los Angeles’s Center for Friendship Research.
Williams Co-Authors Paper on Directed Stereotypes
Williams recently co-authored a paper on “The directed nature of social stereotypes,” which proposed that in addition to holding stereotypes about what groups are generally like, people also hold what they call “directed stereotypes,” or stereotypes about how groups behave toward specific groups.
